The Blossoming of The Bullied

 

I remember telling a friend before: "I'm the most insecure person you will ever see in your life."

Which is true.

Red Alert. Kamatis. Rudolph. Halimaw. I've heard it all. High School was a traumatic experience, as I was the unfortunate victim of genes which seem very very fertile ground to acne. That, coupled with pubescent hormones which seem to pump out oil from my face rivaling the OPEC, plus a generally slim physique led to a daily string of insults which I had to endure day by dragging day.

I didn't try to compensate for it with a likeable personality either. I mean, if you're receiving shit like that it's hard to be a saint. It's just now I realize that I've learned to respond by putting up a wall of meanness and faux-superiority. Before they can get to me enough to make me vulnerable, I would've already pushed them away so far that a 2-meter distance between classroom desks would seem like the distance between Makati and Japan.

But the wall I built so high and thick was a sharp contrast to how I really was: emotionally sprawled on the floor, with fragments of self esteem scattered to to a million, unrecognizable pieces. True friends and family kept me sane, and I was showered with love and comforting words - but everytime I enter the school gates I would brace myself for another day of battering. I would curve my spine, bow my head so as not to stand out, and reduce my eyes to slits.

If I could go back in time and see myself entering the school like a villain entering a perceived warzone, I would've been reduced to tears...

Yet I will approach, stop him in his tracks, and look at him. Eye to Eye. I'll peel off his mean mask gently, bring him up to his full, 5'8" posture, and say with a smiling face:

"Things will get better. Because things already are better. For Me. For Us."

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As I look in the mirror now where the reflection still leaves a lot to be desired, I am still able to honestly say without delusions:

"Shet. Ang Ganda Ko."